Assumptions.
Monday, November 7, 2011 at 1:40PM 
Put this in your collection of "Advice I Should Follow--Later."Assumptions, like relationships (any relationship), are both necessary and dangerous. Assumptions are the things your brain uses to fill holes. If you say, "I can't write while music is playing; will you please listen to Tool on the headphones?" I would automatically assume two things:
1. You're trying to write something.
2. I'm listening to Tool loud enough for you to hear it, and using headphones will make Tool inaudible to you.
These are both reasonable assumptions that most people would make without even realizing they've assumed anything. And both assumptions would be accurate.
But humans are not straight-up logic machines. We also have emotions. So if you say, "I can't write while music is playing; will you please listen to Tool on the headphones?" and I happen to be in some anxious, fearful, or insecure mindset, the assumptions I make are more likely to be ridiculous and might be about you personally:
1. You hate Tool.
2. You are a tool.
Now, either of these could be true. Indeed, either might be true. But, it is unlikely that either of these assumptions (hating Tool or being a tool) would have prompted you to make the request while you're writing. In actuality, both of these assumptions are grossly unfair and probably inaccurate.
Why?
Because the logical gap in the request (which pertains to your writing and the music's volume) is too small to fit these enormous assumptions (which pertain to your musical taste and some unappealing flaw in your personality—things you didn't address in your request. These are added by my mindset).
Being aware of the assumptions you make is an absolute necessity for LSAT success. Every single portion of the test depends on identifying assumptions correctly. However, honing this skill is a double-edged sword; it is impossible to observe only your own assumptive habits. Whether you want to or not, you'll begin observing others' as well. And this, dear readers, is the unholy nexus of the dangerous and the necessary: assumptions in relationships.
You will likely go mad. When your family talks politics, you will hear them assume that Obama's motivation for healthcare comes from a deep-seated need to destroy America or that a pro-life person is pro-life because she hates women's rights. You'll hear your friend William assume that Rebecca doesn't like him because she hasn't returned his text today. You'll hear your partner assume that you think she or he is fat just because you suggested having salad for dinner.
Telling your family that Obama wants to insure the uninsured or that the pro-life person simply wants to end what she views as murder won't help; they'll call you an idiot for defending the "other" side. Neither will reminding Will that Rebecca has a full-time job (Will won't hear you, he's too busy worrying); and telling your partner that you really like salad, and you haven't had a good hearty salad in a while will only be heard as a half-assed lie to cover up your faux pas.
Don't lie to yourself; we've all been here. Each situation robs you, the careful assumer, of the benefit of the doubt. And you'll feel insanity's wavy cage start to close in on your mind with equal parts befuddlement and frustration. There are really only three methods to deal with your newly developed skill of listening thoughtfully and reflecting carefully:
1. Don't participate in relationships.
2. Participate in relationships, but remove yourself when the incoherent claptrap starts bouncing around. (This method carries its own set of problems.)
3. Participate and don't stop listening. In fact, listen even more closely. Why are you, the careful assumer, getting frustrated?
Method 3 is tough. When you ask yourself why you're frustrated, the initial answer is "because I'm wasting my time listening to incoherent claptrap." But then you have to decide whether you want to leave (Method 2) or continue listening. If you continue to listen (Method 3, again), it's likely that you'll come up with some dehumanizing tactic to keep yourself from imploding. This tactic usually involves pitying the people/person with the outlandish assumption(s). While this is a common defense mechanism for the careful assumer, it's as unfair as making an unwarranted, large assumption.
Why?
Because if you have the mental prowess to listen and reflect, you also have the presence of mind to recognize silliness when you see it. Save your pity for the pathetic, and use your humor to address the silly.
The assumption that you're a tool, or that you hate Tool, is unfair...and silly. Inspector Clouseau's successes are unfair...and silly.
This is the guy that got your promotion.Wile E. Coyote's failures are unfair...and silly. The fact that children can shit their pants whenever and wherever they please and be accepted by society, but that an adult who pees in public will be arrested for indecent exposure is an unfair law in this nation...and it's silly.
If silly is humorous in cartoons and movies, it is humorous in relationships. It has to be, otherwise you'll lose your mind just because you taught it how to listen and assume thoughtfully. And that's really unfair.
Reader Comments (2)
So true. and I agree with most of what you're saying, but how come pitying is unfair in a situation where other people don't know how to listen and make unfair assumptions? IMHO that's pretty pathetic, and I don't really get how pity is "dehumanizing." Just sayin'
Good question. I think you caught on to my own ethics bleeding into this post. Viewing people who are (let's see....) usual in their assumptions as pathetic is a perfectly valid perspective. But that's really all it is--a perspective. And it happens to be a perspective that robs the usual assumer of the benefit of the doubt. (They are pathetic because they don't think like me, or think as well as I do, or are as careful as I am). So if it's just a perspective, that implies that there must be more than one. And given the choice, I would look for a perspective that not only helps me deal with the insanity of willy-nilly assumptions, but also one that allows the usual assumer to keep his or her dignity as a thinking human being. It helps keep respect in the relationship.